Dear Answer Man,

Man, I need some help here. I am starting up a new Rec League Team and we can’t agree on a name. We voted as a team and decided we’d have you decide. Yep, our team fate is in your hands. Also, I am relatively new to this and I can’t decide on what number to wear. How does one go about deciding what number to wear? I want something that is cool and will stand out. Lay it out for me Man.

P.S. Any chance you’d want to play for us?

Scott (Ellisville-MO)

Yo Scott, man I don’t know whether to be flattered or to rip you a new one for being a giant Phruit. You are the Captain right? Is this your team? If so, you decide and forget about the rest of them. Take the lead you pussy. Tell your teammates what’s up. Sounds like you need to reach down and grab a pair dude.

On the flipside I’d love to be involved. This is always exciting to be in on the ground floor of building a Rec. League Dynasty. Naming the team is crucial because every team needs an identity. The team identity needs to be a shared image or one that you all want to become. You must fully embrace it and if you have anyone who’s not down with that, tell them to hit the road and keep their head up if you ever play against them.

It will depend on what league you are in. Most will have a list of names on the internet so you know what names are already taken. If it were my team I’d want something strong and possibly causes people to take a second look. With that being said, my first suggestion for your team name is “The Meat Helicopters”. Yep, that is right. A select few of you reading this have just done a spit take because you know what a Meat Helicopter is. If you take this as your team name, be ready to take on some insults about this and you’ll need to have some thick skin but it will really help your team bond behind a new name. Just think how a team will hate getting beat by The Meat Helicopters. So sweet.

My second would be “The Misfits”. This would get you easily the coolest logo in league history by using the skull logo from the band. I doubt you’d run into any copyright issues. With that logo, you need to crank up the evil so you’ll need some good colors to go with it to tie it all in. Like a good fanny pack, you can’t have a great looking fanny pack with a gay looking belt to go with it. It has to all go together. If you name your team The Misfits, you’ll all have to have the same haircut and possibly bring your equipment into the rink in coffins. Other then that, it shouldn’t be too much.

On the flipside of these two, you could go with something like the Butterflies or Chrysanthemums. If you do this, you have to be a team of thugs. Each player must be at least 6 foot and over 200 pounds (no fatties allowed either). With fruity names like that, you have to be a team of complete badasses. You could be like a new jack Broad Street Bullies. This will be tough to field a team like this and injuries will mount up.

Back up names to consider are The Skynyrds, Demons and The Blues. Never pick the name The Wild. That is just ridiculous and insulting to everyone in the league.

You just need to decide what your team identity is going to be. For you, I would recommend The Meat Helicopters. It takes real talent to pull that off (that’s what she said).

When it comes to picking a number there are a ton of variables here. A lot of guys pick the number of the guys they idolize. That’s fine but get these rules set right away. Defensemen have numbers two through nine (power forwards may take a number in the range if they choose). Goalies get number one or 30 through 33. Forwards get 10 to 29. The nerd numbers are like 27, 29, 23, 15 and 12. Avoid those.

The other aspect in all of this is what we call the “look at me numbers”. Those are numbers like 66, 68, 77, 88 and 99. For obvious reasons you should never pick these numbers unless you are a complete stud and can’t be stopped. Very few of us can pull that off. Lastly, never ever pick number 69. You look like a complete boob and your teammates will rarely back you up. No one respects someone who wears number 69.

Now go lace ‘em up and win it for The Answer. I almost forgot, I appreciate the offer but I don’t want to play for a team call The Meat Helicopters. I’m too tough for that.