Dear Answer Man,

A short time back, it was mentioned that the Blues may open the season in Sweden next year. Obviously you have a real, dare I say, hatred towards European hockey players. I can’t even imagine what goes through your head on a daily so what are your thoughts on this? How do you feel about the Blues playing in Europe next year?

Charles (St. Louis-MO)

Chas, you may dare. Dare your little heart out you scrumptious bastard. I hate European hockey. I hate the teams. I hate those foolish jerseys with the advertisements. They look like they belong at a NASCAR race but I’m fairly certain Europeans have more teeth then your standard NASCAR fan (like that is hard to do).

Why the hell would I support our Blues to go to Europe to play? I have played hockey in another country and it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

The main point I have bones with is those bone heads in Sweden have never supported the Blues and/or the NHL have they?

Have any of those Phruits stood outside near some sort of Kung Fu Bunny and yelled “Let’s go Blues”? Have they ever had to sit through a replay listening to Bernie Federko butcher the English language? Have they ever witnessed a white tuxedoed jackass count the number of goals with a towel and throw it indiscriminately into a crowd? Have they ever stood outside of Brian Sutter’s house at the predetermined distance as to not violate a restraining order in the middle of winter waiting for him to come home from a long road trip? Have they carved their initials into the insulation of the house the Brett Hull was building in the early 90’s? Have they ever picked a fight with a guy in the parking lot outside of the old St. Louis Arena just because he was wearing a Blackhawks jersey and had a stupid grin on his face?

The answer to all of those questions is an emphatic, “No!” So I ask the league, team management, the players, the Scottrade Center employees and those of you out in glorious Blues Nation and Answer Nation, do you all think Sweden deserves it? God I hope you say, “Hell no Answer Man. They sure as hell don’t and you are one VERY attractive badass.”

You know what I think Sweden deserves? It deserves to keep all the players they develop. They deserve to keep them. Ship them all back and keep them in whatever league they want but make sure they are over there and not here in beautiful North America. I know some of you will gawk at this idea because of Phruits like Mats Sundin, Peter Forseberg and a host of other players that I can’t even tolerate because apparently they are really skilled. It isn’t important to me though. Hell, I’d take some Frenchie from Quebec before I took on some Euro.

Here’s an example for you to think about. Imagine if you will, being a rapidly growing teenage boy from North St. Louis County. You rock the tight gear, sweet threads, you eat right, lift mad weights, love your mom, wear footie pajamas, watch wrestling and can work it out on the ice. You pine and pine over some hot piece of trim you have chemistry lab with.

She lets you do her homework, wash her car, pay for her lunch, rake her leaves and fill up the gas tank on her Chrysler Lebaron. Then one day you find out she is going to homecoming with some guy from South County who plays soccer, doesn’t wear a fanny pack and can’t produce a Cam Neely rookie card from the aforementioned non-existent fanny pack.

You realize that your devotion runs deep with this piece and she goes and hooks up with the Captain of all Phruits. He may as well have a popped collar and listen to Emo. You can’t help but get pissed because you have paid your dues. You have invested your time and you a Rocker to the core. This is all hypothetic of course but hopefully you catch my drift.

My drift is this- we are the Blues Nation. We stand by them and sometimes even fight for them. That means they are ours and no one else’s. Sweden, you have officially been warned.