Every Major League Baseball team wants to make money, so I can’t blame the Washington Nationals for doing whatever they can to get people to pay attention to them.  But anyone else who lives in the DC-Metro area has to agree…the TV Spots for the Nats are ridiculous.

To give you an idea…in one, a fan is jumping up an down getting hyped up that in a 2008 game, Elijah Dukes (a member of the Restraining Order All-Stars) comes up in the clutch with…a bases-loaded walk-off walk!  In another, the fan openly admits that he has no idea who the hell (Nats backup catcher) Will Nieves is, but recalls a game in which Nieves drove in a game deciding run in one of the Nationals 59 wins…and now he knows who Will Nieves is.  The moral is that you should watch/go to Nats games so that you can learn the names of the players on the team.

Anyways, that got me thinking about how the marketing department of the other struggling MLB Franchises might try to attract an audience.  Here’s what I came up with for the teams that already have no chance of making the playoffs:

Pittsburgh Pirates: Posters of Nate McClouth in a Yankees uniform with the sub-heading: Pirates Baseball…NFL Training Camp is Right Around the Corner!

Houston Astros: Brad Ausmus Defibrillator Day for the fattest 10,000 fans!

Oakland Athletics: A TV spot with a montage of Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, Jason Giambi, Miguel Tejada to the tune of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”.  Mix-in a few flashes of photos of Jackie Robinson and Branch Rickey as a voice-over exclaims: “Oakland Athletics Baseball…brave enough to break baseball’s oppressive steroids barrier.”

Colorado Rockies: Go with the slogan- “Hey, at least we still have Todd Helton.  He’s sorta still pretty good.”

Seattle Mariners: They went a step further than the Rockies suggestion above, and brought back a washed up Griffey.  Next option: Call Jay Buhner RIGHT NOW.

Cleveland Indians: Another TV ad showing LeBron James highlights to the tune of “Take Me Out To the Ballgame” for about 15 seconds.  Then show about 15 seconds from the movie Major League.  People from Cleveland aren’t very smart.  It will work.