Adam Morrison, formerly of the Charlotte Bobcats, was traded this week to the Los Angeles Lakers. Other than being a complete and utter bust, Morrison is best known for bricking 3’s and his late 70’s era porn stache. Now, while his stache may have been the toast of the town in a place like Charlotte (only real competition is Dale Earnhardt impersonators), it’s going to have to work pretty damn hard to be the #1 mustache in Hollywood, CA.

 

Let’s look at some of Morrison’s mustache competition…

 

Magnum P.I. - A mustache so damn awesome that he doesn’t even need a cord for that phone

 

Burt Reynolds – A stache so cool, it has no problem outrunning Smokey and may keep you from being brutally sodomized by hillbillies

 

Ron Jeremy - A stache so promiscuous that it may well introduce you to said hillbillies

 

 

Pat O’Brien- This mustache just wants to go crazy with you

 

 

 

Bob Goulet – Many celebs have mustaches, but I’ve got one question for you. Can they croon?

 

 

Jason Lee – Earl Hickey – His name is Earl. His mustache is named Suspected Pedophile.

 

 

Dr. Phil – This mustache is connected to a very large douchebag.

 

 

Jeff Foxworthy – You might be a mustac—ahh screw it, this one just isn’t smarter than a 5th grader or humorous

 

 

 

Wilford Brimley – This stache is here to kick ass, take names, and inform you of the dangers of Type II Diabetes…possibly to declare war on the Union as well.

 

 

Borat  –  Mustache rides…very niiiice

 

 

Alex Trebek – I’ll take “Famous Canadian Mustaches” for 400, Alex

 

 

Billy Dee Williams –Welcome to the cool side of mustaches Peter

 

Sean Penn – The only mustache capable of being more obnoxious off-screen than on

 

 

Geraldo – I retract my previous statement

 

It looks like this will be my last post here at Lampoon. They don’t seem very interested in keeping someone like me around to write anymore. For those of you that enjoy what I do, I will be going back to my website Blue Monkey Disco Party. Hope to see you there.

 

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