I love baseball, but I don’t think the feeling is mutual.  I have some sort of anti-power, kind of like the opposite of Wolverine from the X-Men.  Whatever team I root for always loses.  I’m a hardcore Orioles fan and started following them in 1997, the last year they had a winning season.  Back in 2003, I was rooting for a Red Sox/Cubs world series and got the Yankees/Marlins.  This year, I was rooting for the Cubs and Brewers and they both lost.  So, I’ve switched over to the Dodgers and they lost game one.  I try to whole reverse psychology and pretend to root for the Phillies, but I can’t fool the baseball gods.  It’s like I’m in an abusive relationship, but I don’t think I can do any better.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to pitch this story to Lifetime. 

Favored team in CAPS

Oakland at NEW ORLEANS
Is it safe to say the Raiders are worse off than the Saints were two years ago during the Katrina tragedy?  Too soon?  Well, what’s going to happened when Al Davis fires Raiders new head coach, Tom Cable in a couple of weeks because he stinks since he’s a f*cking offensive line coach who went 11-37 as a head coach in college?  Davis already played the "He lied" card, I think it’s time to bust out the crazies.  Would anybody doubt that for a second?  During the press conference, if he just says "Ted Danson clown monkey pants, thank you."  Everyone would assume he finally snapped.  Oh and this isn’t an assumption, this is an inevitability and I am just counting down the days.
Pick: New Orleans

Baltimore at INDIANAPOLIS
I don’t know why the football gods are toying with the Ravens, but they are.  They have lost their last two games by a combine six points and have had the lead in each game with around two minutes to go.  The opposing team seemed to have been beaten except both teams a Raven got flagged for a personal foul giving the other team 15 yards and a first down with they quickly turned into seven points.  To top it all off, they made John Harbaugh name Joe Flacco the starter for the rest of the season.  29th rated quarterback Joe Flacco.  I want to like Flacco, he did show a lot of potential in the Monday night game against the Steelers, but you know what other Baltimore athletes have shown a lot of potential?  Kyle Boller, Duane Starks, Daniel Cabrera, Sidney Ponson (and thus ends the list of Baltimore athletes no one outside of the Beltway has heard of.  Join us next week when we discuss Mike Bordick, BJ Surhoff and Jermaine Lewis).
Pick: Indianapolis

Cincinnati at NEW YORK JETS
Are the Bengals better than we thought or are the Bengals just as bad as everyone though, but the Cowboys weren’t trying and yet still beat them by nine?  I’m going with the ladder.  This will give Brett Farve a chance to do what he loves best, gun slinging.  If it’s one thing he loves other than contemplating retirement, pain pills and getting his gun slung from John Madden, it’s gun slinging.
Pick: New York Jets

Carolina at TAMPA BAY
I can’t buy into the Bucs.  Something about them.  It’s like their offense good, but not good enough to compensate for their defense and their defense is good, but not good enough to compensate for their offense.  Does that make any sense?  I keep hearing that they’re a top ten team, but I’m not seeing it.  It’s kinda like a dude that’s not terribly attractive, he’s not ugly, but he’s not good looking, but then you find out how much he gets laid and you have trouble wrapping your mind around it.   You look at his stats and you can’t quite figure out how he does it, but he does.  I guess the Bucs are kinda like Michael Phelps.  I think he’s a goofy looking guy, but there’s a line of girls a mile long to get all up in that.  It could be the eight gold medals, but unless he wears them during the act, I fail to see the attraction.  Anyway, the point is, the Bucs remain a mystery.
Pick: Carolina 

Detroit at MINNESOTA
Unless, the Lions pull a major Chiefs/Broncos-esq upset, I see no winnable game for the Lions other than next week against the Texans and even then they’ll be the underdog.  And it won’t even be by a little.  I’m thinking five point underdog minimum.  The Texans could very well be winless going into next week and could very well be a two score favorite.  Vikings, I implore you, please beat the Texans.  I know this shouldn’t be difficult, but that’s what Denver said.  Other than the Ravens actually being good and not fake almost good, nothing would be make happier than two see to winless teams "battling" it out in WEEK 7!  It’s just good to know that even in a league with a salary cap and a straight forward draft, teams can still be this bad at once.
Pick: Minnesota

CHICAGO at Atlanta
I must give thanks to the Falcons for making me look like a f*cking genius last week when I picked them to beat the Packers last week.  However, I am the love ‘em and leave ‘em type.  I’m going with the Bears this week.  Come on, Falcons, you knew what this was, it wasn’t going to last forever.  Tell you what, I’ll hit you up in Week 17 when you play the Rams.  Maybe even Week 9 when you play the Raiders, but I don’t know, I might be hanging out with the Giants, you know how it is.  But last week was real special, I’ll call you.
Pick: Chicago 

Miami at HOUSTON
The Dolphins are three point underdogs.  Talk about getting disrespected, they have beaten the Patriots and Charges meanwhile the Texans are winless and blew a gigantic lead with two minutes to go against the Colts and the Texans are favored?  Granted, maybe the Texans are doing something the Charges obviously didn’t do, watch game film.  I think Ronnie Brown is a force you do not want to mess with especially with the Texans run defense being so bad.  Does this really count as an upset?
Pick: Miami

St. Louis at WASHINGTON
Jim Haslett, welcome back to head coaching, you’re 14.5 point underdogs with a team that ranks last in offense and defense going against one of the hottest teams, have fun!
Pick: Washington

Jacksonville at DENVER
I like how on the injury report Travis Henry is listed as "Out".  Travis Henry, the guy that just got busted for involved in a cocaine deal and would face a minimum of ten years in jail if convicted.  Why so negative, there’s a chance he could be acquitted, why not list him as doubtful?  Oh, because he is also serving a one year substance abuse suspension and was released by the Broncos in June.  Then again, he did just get released from prison on $400,000 bails, so maybe that’s what they meant by "Out".
Pick: Jacksonville

PHILADELPHIA at San Francisco
Oh how much difference a division makes.  Both teams are 2-3 and yet, 2-3 in the Eagles division gets them last place, but 2-3 in the Niners division (along with two others) gets them second place.  I’m just glad Hank Steinbrenner doesn’t own the Eagles or else he’d be talking about how the teams with the best records should make the playoffs not just best record in their division which was the case some fifty years ago before all those pesky free agents and black people were involved.  That’s right kids, "Hank Steinbrenner: If you thought George was bad…"
Pick: Philadelphia

DALLAS at Arizona
A deceptively low line.  Dallas favored by six.  If Dallas doesn’t almost lose to the Bengals and the Cardinals don’t hang 40 plus on the Bills, it would be a more accurate line.  Let us also not forget the Cowboys are in a division with the Eagles, Giants and Redskins and are currently in third place with a record of 4-1.  Meanwhile, the Cardinals are in a division with the 49ers, Seahawks and Rams and are currently in first place with a record of 3-2.  Let us also not forget I have mispicked (word?) the Cardinals for the last three weeks.  That ends this week.
Pick Dallas

Green Bay at SEATTLE
Green Bay is a three point underdog against Seattle.  The worst team that doesn’t start with a St. or Detr or a Kansas.  Whatever happened to the huge BJ everyone was giving Aaron Rodgers and the Packers for playing well A.F (After Favre).  Granted, they are 2-3, but Rodgers was hurt (how unFavreian of him).  He’s back, the Packers are back, but more importantly, the Seahawks SUCK.  Oh also, both Matt Hasselbeck AND Senaca Wallace are questionable for the game which would leave the field general position to one Mr. Charlie Frye.  Let’s not forget Deion Branch and Bobby Engram are also question marks for this game, but yes, I think the Seahawks a three point favorite is accurate.  While we’re at it, I think Bush is a great president, the economy couldn’t be stronger and I’m doing great with women.
Pick: Green Bay

New England at SAN DIEGO
The Chargers are favored by five.  Really?  Really.  The same Chargers team that lost to the Dolphins who used the same trick plays they used last week against the Patriots.  Did you even bother to watch any game film?  What did your team do all last week?  Were you distracted by all the beautiful women in Miami?  You live in San Diego.  That ain’t exactly Pittsburgh.  And the Patriots are a decent team who actually won their game last week against a surprisingly not horrible 49ers team.  Last week, I picked the 49ers to upset the Pats, now I’m picking the Pats to upset the Chargers.  What a world we live in.
Pick: New England

NEW YORK GIANTS at Cleveland
Can we stop?  Can we just stop anointing the Giants as a force not to be messed with?  Yes, they are a top five team, yes they are undefeated, but they’re not invincible.   Do you know who they have played?  The Rams, Seahawks and Bengals.  If you include the Browns, the Giants opponents have a combined three wins.  That’s three wins over four teams that the Giants have beat.  What competent team couldn’t beat them?  If you told me I had to fight four guys, but there were three arms between them, even I could kick their ass.  I think the Giants are good, I think Eli is above average, but they have one of the easiest schedules and probably won’t lose until Week 9, so talk to me them.  By the way, this is a Monday Night game, so as much as I was just hating on the Giants, I do live in New York and I do love a blood bath, so you better believe I’m going to a bar and hoping for blood sheed…it’s going to be gruesome.
Pick: New York Giants

Projected Record: 16-0
Last Weeks Record: 9-5
Overall Record: 50-29