This whole Lane Kiffin/Al Davis thing has reached sitcom level ridiculousness.  This is directly from an episode of Seinfeld.  The one where George works at Play Now, but then his boss finds out he’s not really handicapped, but he can’t fire him because they signed him to a contract so they ask him to resign but he doesn’t so they try to muscle him out.  If you didn’t read the first part of that sentence you would think I was talking about Lane Kiffin and Al Davis.  And Al Davis is an evil, evil, petty man, I wouldn’t be surprised if they locked Kiffin out of his office and let everyone use his private bathroom.  Speaking of Al Davis, good lord is he old, his skin is literally falling off the bones, it’s like a plate of ribs.  I know a lot is made fun of Jerry Jones and all the botox and face lifts he gets, but maybe Al should invest in something like that.  Here’s a fun fact, Davis and George Steinbrenner were born exactly one year apart of July 4th.  That can’t be a coinsidence.  Anyway, I’m going to try to rebound from my 8-5 week last week, here we go…

Favored team in CAPS

INDIANAPOLIS at Houston
Oh how the mighty have fallen.  The Colts are favored by three.  And no, not three touchdowns, three points.  Doesn’t it seem like last year the Colts would have been  favored by "are you f*cking kidding me?" and now it’s three points.  Before you know it, the Redskins will have a winning record with Jason Campbell being a top QB and the Titans will be undefeated with some awful QB under center, like, I don’t know, Kerry Collins…is he still in the league?  He is?  I thought he retired with Trent Green.  He is?  I should probably do some research before I write this…probably.
Pick: Indianapolis

TENNESSEE at Baltimore
I keep hearing this Ravens team being compared to the 2000 Ravens team.  You know who’s closer to the 2000 Ravens than the Ravens?  The Titans.  They have a crushing defense with a journeyman quarterback who doesn’t win games, but doesn’t lose them and rookie running back who’s tearing up the league.  All they need is their middle linebacker to get acquitted of double murdered and I won’t be able to tell the two apart.
Pick: Tennessee

SAN DIEGO at Miami
I really hope the media doesn’t refer back to the Pats/Fins game as proof that the Dolphins are better than their record.  They’re not.  That is what we in the biz call a Kitchen Sink game.  Every team throughout the course of the season has about five trick plays.  The Dolphins chose to use ALL of them in one game.  Can’t blame ‘em, they’re not going to beat any other teams with winning records this year and if you’re going to beat one team this year, why not make it the hated Patriots?  It’s not like they were going to use those plays against the Rams or Raiders.  Hell, they get thrown off by a play action fake.
Pick: San Diego

Kansas City at CAROLINA
The Panthers are favored by 10.  Seems like a lot for a team that just ruined survivor pools everywhere by beating the Broncos.  If they didn’t win, they would be 20 point underdogs.  KC is going to try the same thing this week and just run Larry Johnson down the Panthers throats.  I don’t need Bill Belichick to tell me that.  What KC probably doesn’t realize is that that game was televised…nationally.  Not only that but the Panthers probably have that game on tape and have watched it more than a few times.  Don’t worry KC, you have a bye next week so you won’t have to worry about being woeful underdogs until week 7…though it wouldn’t surprise me if somehow it happened in week 6.  Stranger things have happened.
Pick: Carolina

Washington at PHILADELPHIA
Both of these teams royally screwed me last week, so I can’t do the whole "well, I didn’t pick them last week, but I won’t make that mistake again" deal.  The Eagles are undefeated at home, but week 5, meanwhile the Redskins have done a complete 180 and have won three games in a row.  It all comes down to who is healthy.  Westbrook is day to day and is a game changer.  On the other side, Jason Taylor is out, but he was out when they upset the Cowboys (and me for screwing up my picks).  I’m going with the stormin’ moron Andy Reid to outcoach rookie Jim Zorn.  You’ve earned my trust back Eagles, don’t let it happen again.
Pick: Philadelphia

CHICAGO at Detroit
I feel bad for any Bears or Lions fans not watching this at a noisy bar that will have to subject themselves to the announcers thinking they’re clever by making as many "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my" jokes as they can in a three hour window.  Like Lions fans don’t have enough on their plate.  They better pray Joe Buck doesn’t get tapped for this game or it could get ugly.  Detroit ugly.
Pick: Chicago

Atlanta at GREEN BAY
Aaron Rodgers is iffy and the Packers weren’t smart enough to sign any veteran back ups (well, they tried to, but he ended up getting traded to the Jets) so it is entirely possible that 23 year old rookie QB Matt Ryan could be the more experience QB on the field come Sunday.  According to the Packers depth chart, Matt Flynn is next in line if Rodgers goes down.  7th round pick Matt Flynn against 1st round pick Matt Ryan.  209th pick Matt Flynn against 3rd pick Matt Ryan.  Unless Flynn turns out to be the next Tom Brady, me thinks this is going to be a sloppy game.  I’m going to make a ballsy move here.  I was 8-5 last week after picking all but one upset.  I haven’t made one yet, but that ends here!
Pick: Atlanta

Seattle at NEW YORK GIANTS
Here’s how bad the Seahawks are: The Giants are without their primary receiver in Plaxico and the ‘Hawks are still 9.5 underdogs.  Do I think that line is a tad high?  Not for a second, the Hawks are bad, Giants are good, end of story.  The Giants suspended Plax for two weeks which on paper sounds harsh until you realize one was a bye week and the other was against a bottom five team.  I think if Plax acts up the week before they play a real opponent you won’t see him riding the pine.  I think the Giants should have suspended him for two MORE weeks.  They’re playing the Browns than 49ers, both teams they can beat in their sleep.  They don’t need Plax, so here’s what you do.  You tack on two more weeks to his already two week suspension, then you see if anyone else acts up and wants to risk a month long suspension.  That will be the most well behaved team of all time.
Pick: New York

Tampa Bay at DENVER
I don’t like reading these headlines about the Bucs that say they’re 3-0 with Brian Greise under center.  The truth is, they’re not really winning with him, they’re winning in spite of him.  He’s not good, he hasn’t found some fountain of youth like Kurt Warner.  He’s thrown two more picks than touchdowns with a QB rating of 62.5.  Those are Trent Dilfer numbers.  Fact of the matter is, their running game, special teams and defense are the reasons their tied for first in their division.  That’s like if you’re making $50,000 a year, but you have the cost of gas, credit card debt, and a mortgage.  You’re not making $50,000 WITH all of those things, you’re making that much in spite of them.  So, I guess in this analogy, Brian Greise is the failing economy.  Vote Jeff Garica!  Yes we can!
Pick: Denver

NEW ENGLAND at San Francisco
Another game where the Pats are favored by three, but if this were last year, they would be favored by "Are you sh*iting me?".  Wouldn’t it be great to go back in time and bet every Patriots fan that by Week 5, the Niners would have a better quarterback than the Pats.  You would make so much money, you could BUY at Pats.  But wishful thinking aside, the fact remains the 49ers have a better quarterback at this point in the season, neither of their running games or defenses are that great.  So that means…dare I?  Tempted the Pick ‘Em Gods and go for the upset?  I’m feel saucy, why the hell not?
Pick: San Francisco

Buffalo at ARIZONA
No.  No way.  No chance am I picking the Cardinals for the fourth week in a row (I am 1-2 in that stretch by the way).  You know the saying: fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Fool me third times, well I must be an idiot.  I didn’t even need to do any research for this.  Usually I pour over ESPN and Fox Sports, looking at their past games, injury reports, previous match up with that team.  Not this time.  I don’t care of JP Losman was starting for the Bills, I’m still going with them all the way.  Stupid Cardinals, make me think their good.  How are you going to let the Jets hang six touchdowns on you?  Six wide open Aaron Brooks could have made that touchdowns.  I don’t know how the Cardinals secondary is going to play against the Bills in Arizona, I think they just got to New York.
Pick: Buffalo

Cincinnati at DALLAS
17.5 points.  That’s how much Dallas is favored by.  17.5.  What?  Didn’t feel confident going to 18?  Think that’s pushing it a little bit?  When the number gets that high, why not just put the sign for infinite as the line?  I think as of today, the Bengals are worse than the Rams.  The Bengals were awful WITH Carson Palmer, now he’s out and they have Ryan Fitzpatrick (who I think owns a competing Irish bar with JT O’Sullivans) and they just lose to the winless Browns.  I’d be shocked if the Rams won a game and they’re not as bad as the Bengals.  If you were a back up for the Bengals, wouldn’t you just call in sick on game day and just go to the beach and pick up girls?  After all, that’s probably the only way a Bengal will score (thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week, tip the veal, try the waitress).
Pick: Cowboys

Pittsburgh at JACKSONVILLE
You realize that with Willie Parker and Rashard Mendenhall out, the active leading rusher for the Steelers is Roethlisberger with an impressive 26 yards.  I’m sorry, maybe I’m seeing things, is that Michael Vick under center?  Looks like the Jaguars won’t have to stop the run because the Ravens did that for them last week.  That being said, I like the Steelers QB, receivers and defense more than the Jags.  That’s right, I’m picking ANOTHER upset.  I’ve never felt more alive.
Pick: Pittsburgh

Minnesota at NEW ORLEANS
Sorry, no upset pick here.  Saints unbeaten at home, Vikings ununbeaten on the road, Gus Frerotte, I will respectfully decline, thank you.  I wonder why the Saints are only favored by three?  Are we still pretending the Vikings are good?  I remember at the beginning of the season they were going to be a top team with Super Bowl aspirations, but then they stepped on the field and lost three out of four and alllllll of that changed.  Don’t worry, Vikings, I won’t changed my stance, I never believed in you, not for one second and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Pick: New Orleans

Projected Record: 16-0
Last Weeks Record: 8-5
Overall Record: 41-24