I have a new favorite tv show: Celebrity Rehab

I have met Dr. Drew. His daughter used to figure skate with my sister and I met him at a dinner following one of their competitions in Cape Cod. It was actually the first time I pulled out my fake ID in my front of my parents. Dr. Drew inspired me. I’m sure if he had known, he would convinced my parents to put me in rehab too.

These days rehab is mostly for celebrities. The problem is, they’re mostly B and C list celebrities you have to look up on wikipedia to figure out what show they’re from. One of the chics on Celebrity rehab was on American Idol. Which means that she became a celebrity by being on a reality tv show and parlayed that success into another reality TV show. If I was a celebrity looking for work, I’d get on drugs on purpose because I’d know that I could always appear on Celebrity Rehab.

Anyways, I propose a sports Celebrity Rehab. That’d be more fun than watching Family Matters actress turned porn star turned drug user Jayme Foxworth.

How about this cast:

Vin Baker: Once kicked out of practice by then Boston Celtics coach Jim O’Brien for wreaking of alcohol, Baker also ballooned to 300 pounds thanks in part to drinking after bad losses.

Charles Barkley: Admitted that he’s lost $10 million through gambling but says he doesn’t have a gambling problem. Dr Drew would diagnose that as denial.

Pacman Jones: This would be an unusual case for Dr. Drew. PacMan’s addictions include strip clubs and making it rain. Hopefully Celebrity Rehab will be conducive to his recovery.

Michael Vick: Bob Saget would say Marijuana is not a drug, but Vick couldn’t even stop smoking when he knew he would be tested by the court. New Dr. Drew rule for this group: No pets.

Barry Bonds: Roid rage means the other rehabbers will have to watch out for Bonds. Also, Dr. Drew must be careful of Bonds’ buddy Greg Anderson who might be sneaking the clear into the rehab center.

Roger Clemens: During group meetings, Clemens refuses to discuss problems, saying he "misremembers" why he’s here, prompting Dr. Drew to have a one-on-one session. Clemens’ wife, who admitted to using HGH, is a candidate for Sports Celebrity Rehab season 2.

Mercury Morris: Convicted of cocaine trafficking and spent time in prison, plus the man is super entertaining. Dr. Drew calls him by his real name, Eugene.

Honorable mention: Keon ("I never played a game sober") Clark