A story that ESPN will likely shy from, Jayhawk assistant coach Kurtis Townsend handed off a pair of courtside tickets to pornstar Samantha Ryan, seeing her only as a former student who needed tickets and would blow him for them. Honest mistake.
Lucky 7! The New Jersey Nets won their 7th game of the season on Saturday night against the also terrible New York Knicks. With a still worst NBA record of 7-55, the Nets actually have a winning streak going, having victories in their last three road games.
You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em. Know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run because there’s grenades, armed gunmen, friggin’ rounds flying by like it’s ‘Nam (with Germans) and you’re in the shit and all you want is for this fat fuck to stop yapping so you can concentrate on trying to win some bread because it’s hard enough making a final table without a bunch of heavy shit going down and you better bolt before your cock gets blown off without getting Doyle Brunson’s autograph first (or something) …
That exact scenario unfolded at a hotel in Berlin on Saturday where a 1000-player, five-day European Poker Tour event was being held.
“Several masked, armed individuals entered the Grand Hyatt Hotel and fled with a haul of money,” German police spokeswoman Heidi Vogt said.
The robbers were armed with assault rifles and hand grenades, but no one was seriously injured during the attack.
“We didn’t know what was going on,” said Tobias Reinkemeier, a player in the field. “Then there was panic and everyone jumped underneath tables before they tried to escape through the emergency exit.”
The six assailants reportedly escaped with the tournament prize pool of $1.1 million. Despite losing the jackpot, the poker tournament continued four hours after the assault.
Finally, a caper worth writing about. But, a lifelong lesson and poker strategy that’s been around since the famous books on how not to play Aces and Eights.
Every fall, as of late, college football pundits worship the teams of the south while emphatically explaining how the Eskimo teams of the north continue to screw the prophetic pooch. It’s not that they’re wrong; Tebow, LSU, Alabama, Colt McCoy, we get it. Yet come springtime it always seems that local sports writers are chomping at the bit to weigh in on how their favorite team will be joining the Big Ten.
There’s no fault in going after an easy talking point – the Big Ten has been yapping about expansion for years. After a few rock-bottom seasons for more than one Big Ten team, there’s no time like the present to “further explore opportunities for growth.” However, just because this historical powerhouse of a conference has had a rough season (or six) doesn’t mean the doors are now open to any riff-raff team that comes around. A Splog analysis of a just a few rumored favorites:
Rutgers – Not a chance. A few years of mediocre accomplishment does not a champion make. Leave college football to the heartland, New Jersey, and stick to what you do best. Lacrosse, beach walking, political corruption, those kinds of activities.
Baseball fans in Taipei are pretty pissed at the bench-warmer roster the Los Angeles Dodgers has for the three-game exhibition series taking place next week.
Viva Taiwan!
In the golden age of offensive football (constructed by the golden age of defensive penalties), the biggest debate at the top of the draft is between two defensive tackles: Gerald McCoy and Ndamukong Suh. A lot of draftniks (ESPN’s Todd McShay, CBS’s Chad Reuter, SI’s Don Banks) think McCoy is better. Everyone else thinks it’s a close race.
WHY?
Gregg Doyel of CBS is the only guy to point out how crazy this argument is. He cites stats (Suh’s 2009 totals are better than McCoy’s career numbers), the most glaring of which is that McCoy has 14 career sacks and Suh, considered to be the inferior pass rusher, had 12 this season. He had a quarter of McCoy’s CAREER sacks against Texas alone! He also brings up the argument that Suh was the entire defense for Nebraska and McCoy was surrounded by all Americans.
Me? I go back to the Eye Test.
When you see McCoy on film, you see the Sooner line break down the defensive line and McCoy wrapping up the ball carrier.
When you see Suh on film, you see a Scooby Doo Monster.
Clockwise from right: Colt McCoy, Jordan Shipley, Jerrod Johnson, Daniel Thomas, Sam Bradford, Ndamukong Suh
For those who can’t remember, a seminal plot point of every Doo was the part where Shaggy, Scooby, and the occasional rest of the gang run from the monster, who towers over them, arms outstretched. This sequence would often be interrupted with an image of the Gang in a band, the monster on drums. But anyway…
There are two other factors that are hindering the no-brainer-ness of this argument. The first is that many scouts are limited by comparison. What do you hear most often about guys in the draft? Eric Berry is the next Ed Reed. Sam Bradford is the next Matt Ryan. Gerald McCoy is the next Warren Sapp. There hasn’t been a Suh before. There wasn’t a LeBron either.
The other factor is that program prestige sometimes creeps into the conversation. Sure, Nebraska is a big time program, but it’s not Oklahoma. At least not these days. That’s where the insane logic of Jimmy Clausen comes in. The reason anyone likes Clausen at all is because he was the top recruit in the country. Back in the day, Sebastian Telfair was a prodigious commodity. None of it means anything, just watch the tape.
Now, this may be irrelevant because if the Rams like Sam Bradford at all, they’re going to take him instead of a tackle, especially in a dome. But at least with the second pick, Jim Schwartz, king of the defensive line, will make the bold declaration as to who is better.
Here’s the last part of the eye test: McCoy and Suh are nearly the exact same size (both 6’4”, Suh is 15 pounds heavier). Who looks bigger?
The eyes have it. Give me Suhby Doo.
Okay, so the very end is kind of ridiculous, but the punchline is worth it.
In the immortal words of Vince Lombardi, “What the hell’s goin’ on here?”
The number one seeds in college basketball have always been a cut above. And every single year, there’s at least one powerhouse team that everyone has circled on their schedule. Think North Carolina, the Noah-Horford Florida beasts, Okafor’s UConn.
This year? Uh…well, Syracuse is number one today. But that’s not going to last.
Not a slight against Syracuse, they’re just not a monster. And the top spot has been a bit like being a Thane of Scotland.
#1 Kansas lost week 8. #1 Texas has gone 5-7 since reaching the top spot. Kentucky took over…and immediately lost to South Carolina. Then this last weekend, Kansas, Kentucky, and Purdue all lost, paving the way for Syracuse.
St. John’s is one of the worst teams in the Big East. And I’m taking them. So are the apparitions.
How exciting is the combine? IT’S MEASUREMENT DAY!!!!
-Colt McCoy disappointed today when the non-burnt orange rulers measured him at a shade under his listed height of 6′2″. What we’ve learned is that he’s a liar and a fink, and despite being the most accurate quarterback in the nation and entering a league where accuracy is prized over all, he cannot possibly play quarterback in the NFL. Like when’s the last time a QB under 6′2″ won a supe…. oh.
-Running back Dexter McCluster came in at 172 pounds soaking wet. That’s half of Minnesota defensive tackle Pat Williams.
-Tackle Bruce Campbell (of Maryland and Army of Darkness) was listed at having 36.5 inch arms. He also, as you can see below, aced the interviews.
MLB commissioner Bud Selig will not implement blood testing for human growth hormone in the minor leagues or majors anytime in the foreseeable future because home runs are fun.
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